The Valentine's Presents are all gone!
by Akitoa.k.a.Kito
Summary: Ever wonder why Yuki and Kyou never had presents for Tohru on Valentine's Day? This is the scene before Tohru enters Shigure's house on Valentine's Day, and the answer to the question. (ch.3 up)
1. All The Presents Gone!

This is a scene not played in the Valentine's Day episode of Fruits Basket. This is the answer to why Yuki and Kyou never gave Tohru a gift on this day.

This scene takes place right before Tohru walks into Shigure's house to give them her chocolates. (mmm…chocolates…)

This must be very repetitive, but please read and review. Kind of long, but is it worth it? Hmm… (eyes shift from left to right)

Jun. 21, 2005 – I have changed the format. It is not in script format anymore. Just wanted to note the change for everyone. (I will miss script format…) I will also change my other stories in script format to story format.

Yuki laughs

Kyou asks, "What's so funny?"

Yuki smiles a sinister smile, "Today's Valentine's Day, and I have a present for Tohru."

Kyou immediately said, "I have one too!"

Shigure pops out, "Me too!"

"Where'd you come from?" Kyou asked.

Yuki answered for him, "Oh, Shigure pops out anywhere."

"So what'd you buy, Yuki?" Kyou said nosily.

"Oh something called chocolates in a heart-shaped box!" He smiles a wide grin.

"Oh…(laughs)…okay."

"Why? What'd you get her? A dead rat?"

"Something called a DIAMOND NECKLACE!" Kyou takes a box out in a flash and opens it for all to see.

Yuki is appalled, "What! (but then calms down) Oh, where'd you get it? From a Cracker Jack's bag?"

"No, from somewhere called Kay's Jewelers."

"Yeah right. You didn't."

"Believe what you want to."

Shigure is getting nervous by all the good gifts that he joins in, "Oh yeah? I bought Touru something called a dress! From…from…from some store!"

"Shigure," Yuki started calmly, "if you got it from the Goodwill Store, we understand."

Kyou joined in the teasing, "No, he probably made it himself. Remember the time he tried to make a Halloween costume for Hatori?"

(flashback)

Shigure holds a costume in his hands, "Here, Hatori! I MADE you a Halloween costume!"

Hatori's eyes are wide open, "MADE? Oh dear Lord."

"You can dress like a ghost."

"Shigure, that's just a white blanket."

Shigure becomes a tad angry, "Hey! It's better than my hobo costume."

"Shigure, don't wear that stuff. You don't want to be a hobo."

"All I had to do was cut holes in these clothes."

"Are those Akito's clothes?"

Shigure sinks down to a whisper, "Between only us, they are, (then louder) but for everyone else's, they're mine."

Hatori is in frustration, "Shigure, don't wear it."

"But Hatori, I always wanted to be a hobo ever since I was little."

(flashback within flashback)

Shigure goes up to his mom, "Mom! I want to be a hobo when I grow up."

Mom replies politely, "No, you're going to be an author."

Shigure stammers, "But I want to be a hobo!"

Mom is getting angrier, "No you're not."

"Yes I am."

"No you're not."

"Make me."

Mom chainsaws Shigure's favorite stuffed bunny.

Shigure yells, "Momiji!"

"Where?"

"No, that's my bunny's name."

(back to present)

Hatori's eyes are wide open, "…Wow…"

Shigure's eyes are wide open too, "Wow; a flashback within a flashback. I still have that stuffed bunny. (opens a shoebox) This is what's left of my beautiful rabbit. Mi conejito (my bunny)." He starts to hug the fragments.

"Stop, Shigure. You're scaring me," Hatori said through a calm face.

Shigure starts to cry.

"Oh no."

Yuki turns to Hatori, "When did you come into the house, Hatori?"

Hatori said contemplatively, "I don't know."

Kyou thought this was the perfect time to tease Yuki so he added in a comment, "Well, after you moved in, Yuki, it seems as though everyone pops in here all the time."

"Yeah, Kyou," Yuki wanted to tease back, "Oh, did you know that I found your stuffed cat in your room? I heard that you named it Kawaii Nekko."

"I…I did not," Kyou was shocked.

"Admit it! You're not a man! You're some sissy, weak…guy who only loves cats!"

"Shut-up!"

Yuki imitates Kyou, holding an imaginary, delicate, soft cat against his cheek saying, "Oh my Nekko! I love you! Kiss kiss!"

Kyou is ready to pounce on Yuki, "That's it you stupid rat! I'll kill you!" Kyou attacks him.

Yuki grabs Kyou's Kawaii Nekko and holds it in front of him. Kyou stops because Nekko is in front of him.

Yuki makes the doll dance in his hands, "Muahaha! Kiss him!"

"I hate you!" Kyou said and attacks him anyways.

Shigure starts to develop tears in his eyes and a sense of "Oh no! the repair bills!" feeling, "No! Stop fighting!"

Yuki and Kyou are pulling the cat.

"Give me him back! I'll throw your chocolates away!" Kyou threatened.

"I'll rip your necklace apart."

The cat stretches, then breaks.

Shigure yells out, "No! The prophecy has come to pass!"

Hatori gives a confused look, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Oh, I was watching Yugioh."

"Oh. I thought you were commenting on the stuffed cat being ripped into pieces a few moments ago."

"The cat…(tears form) in pieces! (looks at cat on floor) No! Not again! Just like mi conejito! Mi conejito (my bunny)….mi conejito….te amo(I love you.)….mi preciosa(my precious)….mi preciosa (sounds like Smeagle from Lord of the Rings)."

Yuki is confused, "Why the hell does Shigure keep switching languages?"

Hatori, still in his calm, serene state, says, "Shigure is like an amoeba. The only universal language an amoeba needs is the action to eat. If amoeba doesn't like you, it eats you. If it likes you, it eats you. Eat. Eat. Eat. No breaks. Just eat. Entertainment? Eat."

Kyou is starting to get confused too, "That has nothing to do with this language switching."

Hatori shrugs, "I just wanted to talk."

Kyou says, "You're an idiot. Wait! Hey, Yuki, you hurt mi Nekko Kawaii! I'll kill your chocolates!"

He takes the box and smashes it against his leg.

Yuki starts to get nervous because he thought Kyou would never do that. "Oh yeah? Say goodbye to your diamond necklace!" (pling! Pling!)

"Oh, really? Huh? Think you're tough? Here's your homework!" (rip rip!)

"Think YOU'RE tough? Here's the remnants of your cat!" He throws it in a fire that Shigure started a few seconds ago.

Shigure yells, "No!"

Hatori said in a matter-of-fact tone, "I told you not to start the fire. That's what my magic 8 ball said."

"What will you do next you dirty rat? Will you burn the house to the ground?"

"I expected YOU to do it!"

Kyou says desperately, "So what will we give Tohru now? We're presents-less!"

Yuki is disgusted by his vocabulary, "That's not even a word!"

Shigure is hugging his legs and rocking back and forth, saying, "There's no place like home! There's no place like home!"

Kyou says, "You know what? I'm going to buy her a simple box of See's Candies."

"That's not fair! My idea was the box of chocolates!"

"So what?"

"So that's not fair!"

"Well…too bad."

Shigure exterminates the fire.

Hatori's cell phone rings. Hatori brings out cell that's as big as a real phone out from pocket.

Kyou eyes widen, "Hatori, that's huge."

Hatori answers the call, "Yes? Oh. I see. Yeah. I'll be right there."

Yuki is curious, "What is it?"

Hatori replies in a calm, matter-of-fact manner way, "Akito is dying."

Yuki lets out a big breath, "Again?"

"He choked on some fish pellets."

Kyou asks, "Why'd he do that?"

"Because he wanted to taunt the fish in his fish tank by eating some pellets. As I've stated before, "Akito is like a fish. He can breathe in water and hold his breath for up to ten minutes, like a dolphin." (see ch. 2 of Deer Hunt) And like a fish, he…sadly enough, eats pellets to taunt the fish. Good day."

(everyone is shocked and still.)

(Hatori leaves.

Switch of scenes. Tohru is walking to Shigure's house.

Touru says, "Hey, Hatori!"

"In a rush, Tohru! Not now."

Touru sees a silhouette of someone choking. She investigates.

Touru enters house.

Touru asks shocked, "Is Akito choking?"

Hatori helps Akito.

Hatori chants gibberish, "Hatime hatime hatime (gibberish). Be healed!" He hits Akito's chest with the palm of his hand.

Akito spits out a fish pellet. It lands in fish tank.

Nurse is shocked, "Oh no! His heart's not beating!"

Hatori repeates the chant, "Hatime hatime hatime. Be healed!" (hits chest again. Heart still not functioning)

"Heal! (hits) heal! (hits.) HEAL!" (hits multiple times)

Nurse looks down in despair, "I think, he's-"

Akito suddenly sits upright, "Hello, Hatori."

(everyone's shocked.)

Akito says, "What a beautiful day!" (and walks away)

Nurse whispers, "His heart is still not pumping."

Hatori whispers back, "What matters is that he is still alive. This way, he won't sue me. (to Touru) So where are you going, Tohru?"

Touru holds up a big bag of chocolates, "It's Valentine's Day! I have chocolates for everyone! Even you Hatori. I'm going to Shigure's house to give them to everyone."

"I'll go with you," Hatori says.

Touru whispers to Hatori, "Is that nurse Kana?"

"Yes, but to Akito, she is 'The Nurse'. She is an orphan from Tanzania and her specialty is to cook rice and boil water."

"Really?"

"According to Akito, yes."

(switch of scenes again)

Nurse/Kana asks, "What is it, Akito?"

"Nurse, pack a bag of fish pellets. I'm going to go on a deer hunt."

"You shouldn't eat anymore," Kana is very nervous about this idea.

"I'll need all the strength I can get."

screen turns black.

A voice from nowhere says, "Akito is like a fish. He can breathe in water and hold his breath for up to ten minutes, like a dolphin. Shigure is like an amoeba. The only universal language an amoeba needs is the action to eat. I wonder who will be next for the animal analogy." (X files music plays)

THE END


	2. The Hunter and the Hunted ooohh!

I start off with "Dear God" because the last word in this story is "Amen". I felt that with Amen, it should seem like a letter to God.

There is a cross over of Yugioh (and a very tiny bit of Harry Potter. It's a very small bit. It's very small.)

After reading a few parts of this story, I found it was a little weird…. Haha. Well, I hope you enjoy reading it, despite its weirdness.

Oh yes, and "Tranquilizer böcgun yeem yun" is my poor phonetic attempt to translate "Tranquilizer hit salt person" in Chinese.

Well, again, I hope you enjoy, and please review! Thanks.

Dear God,

This is what happened in this crazy story that I read online…

Nurse: Here's your bag of fish pellets.

Akito: Thank you.

Nurse: Here's your trail mix, your hunting rifle, a tent, a cell phone –

Akito: Nurse, thank you. You don't have to list it. Now, I will see who will accompany me on this journey to Johto!

Nurse: Huh?

Akito: Nothing.

(flashback)

Akito's mother: Akito, what do you want to be when you grow up?

Akito: I want to be the very best, that no one ever was! To catch them is my real test, to train them –

Akito mother (kind of freaked out): Okay.

(end of flashback)

Akito: I'll be off.

Calls Hatori on cell phone.

Akito: Hatori.

Hatori: Akito.

Akito: go.

Hatori: Deer?

Akito: Hunt.

Hatori: At spearhead point?

Akito: Roger that.

Hatori: Understood black eagle.

Akito: Okee-dokee on that one-eyed worm.

(hangs up.)

Hatori a little confused on what Akito just called him.

Akito calls Shigure.

Akito: Sugar.

Shigure: Salt?

Akito: Deer.

Shigure: Four legged idiot?

Akito: yes on that, sugar cube.

Shigure: Playing cube now.

Akito: Shut the box, open the rifle.

Shigure: roger.

Akito: Akito.

Shigure: Roger.

Akito: Akito.

Shigure: This conversation doesn't make sense!

Akito: I called you sugar because the first two syllables in Shigure sounds like sugar. I have no idea what you meant by salt.

Shigure: I thought you were naming stuff that's suppose to be on restaurant tables or something. And why'd you keep saying your name?

Akito: You kept calling me Robert.

Shigure: I said roger.

Akito: No, my name is Akito.

Shigure: Never mind. I'm going to hunt. I'll meet you at Spearhead point (mutters) even though there are like, four different spearhead points in our estate.

Akito: Don't worry. Meet you later. Bye.

Hangs up.

(three of them meet at Spearpoint one day later.)

hatori and shigure meet each other first.

Hatori: Oh! Shigure! So glad to see you. You know, there'll like four different spearhead points all miles apart. I didn't know which one we had to meet at.

Shigure: (tries to sound like a girl) I know! It's like…totally ridiculous! You know.

Hatori: Stop trying to sound like a weird girl talking on a cell phone.

Shigure: All right, girlfriend! I'll like…you know…haha….stop.

Hatori shudders from fear.

Hatori: I think you're dehydrating.

Shigure: Like totally!

Hatori shudders even more and gives water to Shigure.

Shigure: What happened?

Hatori: You're asking the wrong person.

Akito arrives and three of them go off to hunt deer.

Akito: We have to be quiet in these woods.

Shigure: I see Bambi! (gun shot) I see Thumper and Simba (pow) and I see the Beast from Beauty and the Beast! (pow)

Beast: Roar!

Akito: Shigure!

Shigure: Right you are, Akito.

Both brings out lightsabers. (confused? See "Kyou in his True Cat Form (uncut version)")

Lightsaber noise.

Beast: Roar!

Akito and Shigure use the force to try to push the beast off the cliff.

Hatori: I've got it covered! (fires a tranquilizer)

Tranquilizer hits Akito.

Shigure: Salt down! I repeat. Salt down!

Hatori calls Kana/Nurse.

Hatori: Tranquilizer böcgun yeem yun!

Nurse: What the hell are you saying?

Hatori: Tranquilizer hit the salt person! I'm going in to help! One-eyed worm out!

Nurse: Wait! (call ended) Who's a salt pillar? Oh no! The passage in the Bible is repeating itself! Armageddon is coming! Run for your lives! But to where? To the forest!

(salt pillar: God told a family of Judah? to escape from the town full of evil because he will burn it. He told them to not even go back. The family left when the town was still in one piece, but the wife went back to the town against God's wishes because she lost faith in His words. She turned into a pillar of salt as punishment.)

Hatori: Bomb dropping Jedi (shigure), I'm coming!

Hatori fires the gun while running up to the Beast.

Belle: No! Beast!

Hatori: Don't come close, Belle! This is a war zone! We've set up mines here!

Beast steps on mine and gets blown into bits.

Everyone is silent.

Shigure: One-eyed worm, the deed is done.

Hatori: Good job, Bomb dropping jedi.

Belle: Beast! (she hugs the Beast) He's dead thanks to you!

Shigure: Aren't you happy? He was going to eat you.

Gaston: belle, now you can marry me!

Hatori has too much adrenaline so Gaston's voice surprised him so much –

POW!

Belle: Gaston!

Shigure: Hatori!

Hatori stares at Shigure.

Shigure: Good job. I thought I'd have to do it.

Nurse: Armageddon! Armageddon! It's coming!

Hatori: Armageddon?

Akito: What Armageddon?

Shigure: When did you wake up?

Akito: When I heard Armageddon.

Hatori: Armageddon where?

Nurse: Up there!

Everyone sees the Leviathan from the sky.

Hatori: Oh great! Now we've got to stop hunting.

Akito: Let's check it out!

The four of them (akito, hatori, shigure, and kana/nurse) go to Dart's house.

Shigure: Look, One-Eyed Worm. They're dueling.

Darts: hahaha! You've run out of lifepoints.

Yugi: Wait! There's a special ability card.

Darts: Darn! Again? How many do you have?

Yugi: As long as my dark magician girl is on the field, I am still alive.

Darts: Rats! Well, I attack dark magician girl!

Yugi: Rats! Oh yeah? I've got this trap card thing!

Darts: Again? At this rate, you'll never die!

Yugi: Hahaha! That's what's so great about being the main character. I'll attack you and you die!

Darts: Wait! This unleashes some other monster with attack points of infinity! Hahaha—

Nurse: WILL SOMEONE JUST DIE ALREADY! YUGI, YOU HAVE TOO MANY TRAP STUFF AND SPECIAL ABILITIES. AND DARTS HAVE TOO MANY TOO! JUST DIE! (takes Hatori's rifle and shoots them.)

Yugi: Wait! But I survive because my millennium puzzle will protect me!

Darts: And I am safe because the oricoucos forms a shield around me.

Akito: You can't with that piece of junk. (goes out the door and comes back in with a tank.)

Hatori: Ah! Get out of the doorway.

Everyone runs to another part of the room.

Akito: Die! (tank fires)

Yugi: We're still alive.

Tank drives forward and crushes the two of them.

Akito: finally.

Shigure: I'll kill the Leviathan with my bear hands!

Hatori: Shigure, no!

Shigure uses the force and makes the Leviathan die.

Akito: We saved the day, but no one praises us. Instead, everyone wants to kill me.

Hatori: yeah…

Shigure comes back home.

Tohru: Shigure, dinner's ready.

Kyou: What'd you do today, Shigure?

Shigure: Oh! You know, saving the world again.

Tohru: What?

Shigure: I mean we went deer hunting. I brought some meat home. (brings in Gaston's dead body.)

Tohru is freaked out.

Kyou can't tell it's a human, so he cooks it.

Yuki hates his garden so much (because all the plants died from the "Armageddon") and he stomps on the plants while saying "fee fi foh fum".

Shigure goes to sleep.

Hatori went house to house saying animal analogies.

Akito clips his toenails.

Nurse/Kana read the bible.

Hatsuharu repaired Yuki's garden after Yuki crushed it.

Hana killed Yugi's Grandpa. (Hana: die you mother-----)

Yugi's Grandpa dies a sloooow….paaaaainful….death.

Hana laughs.

Yugi burned his grandpa's body.

Anzu (or Tea) realizes that her name spells "tea" in English.

Tristan (or Honda) realizes that his name is a car brand.

A random person is smuggled onto a bus that goes to Hogwarts.

Amen.


	3. Yuki, Kyou, and a Transfer Student

Thanks to Catherine B for her reviews. Thank you very much! I tried to put a lot of Yuki and Kyou comedy in this chapter.

So, there is some Spanish in here, but it's a little more complicated than in the first chapter, but don't worry! There are translations in the parenthesis, so don't freak out. For those really good people out there, I mean really good-hearted, Ned Flanders good hearted, there's one swear word in here, but I did not spell it out. So, yeah, that's it!

Summary: Kyou and Yuki get in trouble at school, and Tohru meets a transfer student. Guess what language the transfer student speaks.

(school)

Uo: Hello, Touru.

Tohru: Hi, Uo.

Hana: Tohru! Someone died yesterday.

(flashback)

Hana: Die you mother--------

Yugi's Grandpa: YUUUUGIIIIIOOOOHHHH!

Hana: So it was your voice that's always in the theme song! I'm glad I killed you.

(end flashback)

Everyone is freaked out.

Kyou and Yuki enter.

Tohru: Did you like your chocolates?

Kyou: Well, I think I would've liked it if Yuki didn't gobble the thing up before me!

Yuki: Gobble? You're the one insisting that Shigure throws it away. It would be a waste of food.

Kyou: I wanted…Shigure to save it!

Yuki: For what? What are you waiting for? Christmas?

Tohru: If you wanted Christmas candy, I would have –

Kyou: I didn't want any candy!

Tohru shocked.

Kyou: Of course, um…from Kagura and stuff. But your chocolate was…okay.

Uo: Let's leave them to fight.

Hana: I agree.

Tohru, Hana, and Uo leaves. (Kyou and Yuki argue at their best if they are alone because Yuki is always self-conscious of his image in front of others.)

Yuki: You know, you didn't have to use your big mouth to blurt out that stuff.

Kyou: You didn't have to use your huge mouth to eat.

Yuki: You didn't have to stomp your big foot on top of my eighth grade graduation picture. It was even in a frame.

Kyou: My foot still hurts from that!

Yuki: That's why you're stupid. And give back that notebook I bought you for Christmas!

(snatch)

Kyou: Give me the tie I gave you for your uniform.

(snatch)

(starts walking to classroom)

Yuki: Ha! You giving me a Christmas present. It sucked! You know what I gave Tohru for Christmas?

Kyou: What? Oh, were you the one giving her a rubber band?

Yuki: Well, at least I didn't give Shigure toilet paper!

Kyou: Toilet paper? Everyone needs it! it's a great gift!

Yuki: A chia pet is better.

Kyou: chia pet dies!

Yuki: Well, that's what I bought touru. The plant is still alive!

Kyou: Still alive? or half dead? I gave her…a car!

Yuki: You idiot! You don't have enough money to buy lunch! You're a grade A homeless.

Kyou: Don't call me a homeless! I'm the one who gave one dollar to a homeless man.

Yuki: Kyou! For the last time, that homeless man was an actor in the play "Pygmalion". He wasn't even the main character. He was a person in the scenery.

Kyou: (mumbles to himself) that's why he looked confused.

Kyou: Well, I did give tohru a car!

Yuki: A toy car?

Kyou: A real, moving car!

Yuki: You bought her a useless, run down car while I bought her a nice box of chocolates!

Kyou: Good! Was it the same chocolate that she gave you last Valentine's Day?

Yuki: I am _appalled_!

Kyou: I am _bewildered_ at your vocabulary!

Yuki: You are _preposterous_!

Kyou: NO! I'm _frugal_. You're _outlandish_!

Yuki: Oh ye—

Kyou: Aaaand! You're some _big_, _zealous_, _idyllic_ _crony_!

Yuki: Do you even know what those mean?

Kyou: Of course I do!

Transfer student#1: Hola! Como está mis amigos? (en English: Hello. How are you my friends/ He says it in a very formal way.)

Kyou: What is he saying?

Yuki (lies): I understand perfectly.

Transfer student#1: Por favor me dices dónde soy? (Please tell me where I am.)

Kyou: What'd he say?

Yuki: He…he told you to suck your foot!

Kyou: No he didn't! I'll kill you for trying to lie to me!

Yuki runs: Better try harder, cause you're becoming as small as a pinpoint in my eyes!

Transfer student#1: Esperas! Donde estan corriendo? (Wait! Where are you running to?)

Principle: You boys! Stop running! You're going straight to my office. And since my office is on the way of your running path, go in there!

Yuki and Kyou….(Principle: you too, you transfer student. T Student: Que? (What?))…and T student go into room.

Principle: I am appalled by your behavior.

Kyou: And I am idyllic!

Principle: wha—do you know what that means?

Kyou:….no, sir.

Yuki: AHAHAHAA!

T student: AHAHAHA!

Everyone is confused for a moment.

Principle: Anyways, you'll get detention for running in the halls.

T student: Hello, how are you?

Principle: ….I'm fine. Now, as we –

T student: Hello. How are you?

Principle: I'm fine, thank you.

T student: I'm fine, thank you.

Principle: So, as I was through the halls is dangerous because you may hurt yourselves or other people walking by. It's just a one-hour detention after school tomorrow, and I expect you to be there.

T student: Thank you.

Principle is confused.

Yuki: I am sorry for this trouble. It so happens that this strange boy (points at Kyou) keeps chasing me. He…tried to steal something. See? He stole my white tie?

Principle is interested.

Kyou: He took my notebook! I was merely running after him to get the notebook!

Principle thinks of this as Jerry Springer.

Yuki: I'm sorry, but you took my tie first.

Kyou: You kicked my crotch one time.

Yuki: I kicked it because you wouldn't give me my shoes!

T student: Los zapatos! (The shoes!)

Kyou: I took your shoes because my socks were in it. I was just holding your shoes.

Yuki: My socks are suppose to be in my shoes! You wore my socks and my shoes!

Kyou: Damn straight! I MEAN NO! I MEAN, I….

Yuki: I demand an explanation!

T student: I demand an explanation!

Kyou: they were mine!

Yuki: then why'd you say damn straight?

Kyou: Cause I wanted to say that for a long time to you!

T student: Damn straight!

Principle: Please, new student, stop copying them. If you boys were stealing and –

Kyou: Uh…no! It's just, I…I…we were just playing around that time. We're brothers, (hardens voice) right Yuki?

Yuki: ….um…oh I remember now! Of course! Principle, I'm sorry we were running through the halls. We were just playing around and sometimes we end up roughhousing. We were not stealing though! We always share everything.

Principle (not buying it): I see. Well, fine. I will not punish you for stealing, but if you boys cause any more trouble –

Kyou: Thanks! You're the best! (runs out the door) Last one to the library has to kiss the foreign exchange student!

Yuki: Hey! (to principle) haha! Brothers! (runs out)

Kyou and Yuki did not say a word about their fake alliance in the principle's office.

Kyou: Hiya Touru!

Tohru: Oh hello, Kyou! Hello, Yuki.

Teacher: Does everyone have their term papers?

Everyone: Yes.

T student: Damn straight!

Tohru: Oh! Are you the new exchange student?

T student: Oh! Eres muy bonita! Que te llamas? (Oh! You are very beautiful! What is your name?)

Tohru: Me llamo Touru! (My name is Tohru!)

T student: Tohru…Touru es un nombre de muchacho, no? (Tohru…Touru is a boy's name, right?)

Tohru: Huh? That's as far as my Spanish goes.

(shigure's house)

Kyou: I can see how we got stuck with Yuki in our group project, but this! (points at T student) No! I can't even talk to him!

Yuki: Why are you so eager to talk to him? Looking for a boyfriend!

Kyou: Why you! (attacks Yuki)

Shigure: I made brownies!

Uo: Mmm. Brownies.

Everyone leaves room except T student, Kyou, and Yuki.

Yuki: Hey, Kyou.

Kyou: What?

Yuki: Let's teach the new student some new words.

Kyou: Sure.

Yuki: Hey. I am Yuki! (slow and loud)

T student: Yuki!

Kyou: (points at shigure in another room) F----- you.

T student: Oh. Comprendo. Eres Yuki, y es F---- you. (Oh. I understand. You are Yuki, and he is F----- you.)

Yuki&Kyou: Yes! Yes!

Shigure: You guys want brownies?

T student: (points at Yuki) Yuki.

Shigure: good.

T student: (points at shigure) F----- you.

Shigure: …..Kyou.

Kyou carefully looks away.

Shigure: KYOUUUUU!

Kyou: God,…..please…..help……..me!

T student: Jerry Springer! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Uo: You know, Tohru, I heard of a great Chinese restaurant called Fook Yuen.

Tohru: Fook?

Uo: Yeah, fook.

Hana: I love that Fook stuff. They cook it so great!

Yuki enters.

Tohru: I tried Fook too! It was amazing!

Hana: Fook is good.

Yuki (freaked out): What are you guys talking about?

Tohru: Hey, Yuki, can you take me to Fook?

Yuki (confused, but then…): Okay.

Tohru: Great! You have to take highway 101….

Yuki: Naming highways now?

Tohru: What are you talking about?

Uo: The Fook Yuen restaurant, Yuki! Don't you know where it is? Or are you just joking with us?

Hana: Or maybe, he thought we said….

Tohru: Yuki?

Yuki: I did not.

Tohru runs away from fright.

A few minutes later…

Tohru comes back into the kitchen.

Yuki is still there.

Tohru: Yuki…(hugs Yuki's arm)…I know that you sounded scary about the Fook stuff, but it's alright! I want to eat meals with you! Study with you! All that stuff, but…mostly of all, I want to be with you!

Yuki: Tohru, you're the one sounding scary.

Tohru: Hmm… I was having de ja vu.

Shigure: Look, you guys! We taught the transfer student new words!

T student: F----- you help me. I am transfer student.

Everyone cheers.

Tohru: Que te llamas? (What is your name?)

T student (eyes grow wide): (in monotone voice) No tengo un nombre. No tengo compleanos. Soy "Artificial Intelligence". (I have no name. I have no birthday. I am "Artificial Intelligence".)

Uo: What'd he say?

T student (eyes grow normal): Nada. Nada! Haha! (Nothing. Nothing! Haha!)

Hana: Well, whatever he said, I'm sure it was nothing.

T student (quietly): Exactomento…hehehe…. (Exactly…hehehe…) Todos gentes morirían! Muahahahaha! (Everyone will die! Muahahahaha!)

Everyone looks at him.

T student: Um….nada. (Um…nothing.)

Narrator: Everyone enjoys their brownie, but the Transfer Student does not eat. Food destroys his internal body…. So whenever the wind blows through my hair as I ride in this car, I will think of the name F----- you….F---- you. (Quote from Prince of Tides, except for the change in names.)

How was it? I had to watch the Prince of Tides movie for a class and the Simpsons used this line too. Please review.

If you liked this story, please read "Deer Hunt". Usually people who like this story like the "Deer Hunt" one. Maybe I should add more chapters to that one.

Again, please review.


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